My Christmas Gift

5 - My Mood Score - Right were it is suppose to be. Due to the heavy blogging activity one might be able to tell that I have not felt well. Since the end of August things have not been right. Since Christmas Eve I have felt a ton better because I had a drug change. I am still on 900 mg of Lithium Er but now I take 4 mg of Perphenazine. But wait because the Lithium is playing havoc with my thyroid I have to take 25 mcg Levothyroxine. Whew! What next right. Oh yeah the Lithium gives me tremors in my hands, not all the time just enough to bug you.

Fighting bipolar gives me unique challenges. My roll and duty as a husband and father is to provide for my family. This request or expectation should be easy enough but when the depression battle ensues typically jobs are lost and money is non existent. Resumes then have too many changes in a five or ten year period and they think you are just a big flake when trying to get a job or career to take care of your family.

I love sales. I enjoy every part, from prospecting new client to developing great relationships. My worry is always that I will lose my current position. Then I will have to take a step back from sales and just find something that isn't gonna require me to be "on" all the time. These types of positions usually don't pay as much and then I of course will have to find a 2nd job as well. This is always good for the human spirit. Getting a job that you don't like and then never having free time because of the 2nd job that you don't like either.

That sounds like a recipe for a disastrous depression. Right? Well thank goodness that my boss and company have been understanding. I have no idea why but I am very grateful and thank my Heavenly Father daily for being so blessed. Chao for now.

Hell! The last 2 months.

3- I haven't written in 2 months because I didn't have anything good to share. I am really struggling with depression. I usually have to just wait for it to go away after 3-5 days like it normally does but this time it is different.
I spent 4 long days @ the St. Lukes Behavioral Health Clinic. I checked myself in after some very disturbing suicidal thoughts, plans & actions scared KJ & I. This was a first for the thoughts & a hospital stay for my head.
I cannot describe it. Thank goodness that I don't have any chemical dependency issues. Tackling bipolar affective disorder is tough enough but for my first 3 days I was in the Chemical Dependency/Psych area because there was not enough room for me in just the Psych area. I saw people, with the help of meds, getting off cocaine, heroine, crack & alcohol. All four of these drugs had their claws in these, my brothers & sisters so hard that they were all suffering immensely. I got some help from the p-doc but I really lost myself by talking with people. Their stories were unbelievable and probably too personal to repeat.
Things still aren't right but I am better & my first psych appointment is on Nov 4th & hopefully we can do some tweaking of my meds (Tegretol XR 200mg am & 400mg pm) and I can be back to my old self. Chao for now.

Last Three Days

1-2 The last 3 days have been some bad days. I got all glassy-eyed and my wife knew that she was loosing me. I didn't take my kids to church. I basically shut down. Thank goodness that I don't have the suicidal tendencies. I truly have been blessed not to have that along side my depressive times.

Life is so very precious that we all need to be our best, work our hardest and love our loved ones because you never know when it will be your last.

I literally just crawl up inside myself and just become an observer. I slept, felt worthless and also felt that everyone would be better without me. One change this last time different than last December is that I would keep on saying to myself, "this will pass and then I can be back to myself again" "hurry up and pass". This knowledge that it wasn't a forever thing and that I knew that I wouldn't feel like this forever gave me some true hope.

I worried my wife and kids to death though. I know it isn't fair to cause them all this pain and worry about me. I still need to find a good d.o. and p.doc that will run the nutrition test and work with me trying to silence this challenge on a natural basis. I do not like the side effects from drugs and I think that sometimes the side effects are worse than what they are trying to cure.

Vemma has still been the best thing that I have found. It has made my highs and lows much more manageable. Chao for now!

6 In the past when I wasn't feeling well & didn't want to lie on my blog I just didn't post. Since I have been feeling so well I thought I had better try like a diary and keep track of my moods everyday. I know that I haven't talked about anything else but the website and login info are there because in 10 min you can get a better idea of what Vemma does and how it works. Being a liquid it is instantly bio-available and is absorbed at a rate of about 95%. Hugely different than the 20% or so that pills are and you don't have to choke them down. The news link has the entire double blind study at the very end of the pages. Check it out, you will be glad you did.

www.joinverve.com

user name: verve
password: freedom

Singing & Whistling

6 Two days ago on my way to work I just started singing and whistling. Not at the same time of course but off and on. Now when that happens, I know I am at my best. Not too high but just right. I have sung with a barbershop choir in the past and loved it. Unfortunately when I am not feeling well I cannot sing. So I consider this a really good sign.

I also woke up at 4am this morning and have been busy ever since. When I have a hypomania my heart races at about 140-150 bpm but this morning it is about 89 bpm. No racing thoughts. Just feeling really good.

Now if the amazing liquid dietary supplement that I am taking can make me feel this good. How would I feel if instead of weighing 235 lbs. I would actually exercise and get myself down to 170-180 lbs. That ofcourse is still a dream because if it were a goal then it would be written down and broken down with a proper plan of action.

These are my wife's thoughts pulled from our http://www.healthyhomejob.com/ site and thought it was pertinent to share.

When something changes your life I think you have an obligation to share it.
On June 22nd, 2008 we were introduced to this product Vemma from some friends who had become independent representatives for this company and wanted to know if we were interested in the business opportunity. Well I pride myself in not taking part in network marketing companies but Joe wanted to try the product and I have been looking at bringing in other streams of income into our family. So we decided to try the product because we trusted our friends and wanted to join ventures with them. We had no idea the affect it was going to have on Joe. As you may know Joe was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder two years ago, but I can remember as far back as 15 years ago that something was wrong. Two years ago we got an official diagnosis. Over the last 15 years he has had depressive episodes rather frequently. In the past two years he has lived in a constant state of depression at one level or another. Well three days into taking Vemma the cloud was lifted and he hasn't had a depressive episode since.

I am not suggesting that this liquid vitamin is a cure all (I know better and would never make promises like that). But I will tell you that I have increasingly since our enrollment gotten my husband back and I couldn't be happier.

I feel like with news like that you have to share it. We have heard many more health results from our friends and really believe this product is worth sharing. Yes, it will also make you extra money with some effort, but the product alone is worth any amount of money that it cost.

If you are interested in changing either the health or financial part of your life please contact as so we can get you more information and get you on the path to wellness and wealth.

Love you! Chao for now!

So Far So Good!

6 Last week I sold more chemicals for my day job than I had ever sold before. My highs haven't been very high and my lows aren't very low at all. I think I am feeling normal again all thanks to VEMMA = Vitamins, Essential Vitamins, Mangosteen, Aloe vera. Because it is in a 2 oz liquid form it is absorbed much more completely and within just 3 days I really noticed a difference. 8-22 will be 60 days on VEMMA and I know my wife is always waiting for the next shoe to drop but so far so good.

Too Sensitive!!!!! Just Jump In and Swim!

4-6 My wonderful wife agreed a couple of years ago to be my gauge. In other words, she being the closest person to me and very aware of everything around her like a temperature gauge, she would tell me when she sees signs of me going to hypomania or depression so that I could get an early jump on things and try to change the course of my individual boat. Since my diagnosis of depression then the bipolar diagnosis I have been tooooooo dad gum sensitive about my own feelings. It is like I put my big toe in the water of the pool before making any decisions on how I am going to live my life that day. If the water is cold then I coil up and say "Oooooooooooooooh Nooooooooooooooo that water is too cold to swim in (function in real life) and then I start doing all this stupid negative self talk.

Positive self talk is great for pulling one self out the muck but the negative stuff just about knocks me out for the whole day. The negative self talk steps into the ring and the positive self talk steps into the ring. Both fighters come to the center knock gloves and there is the bell. Negative plays dirty and hits below the belt, positive goes down but then he gets right back up before he gets to 4. The fight sometimes goes on all day and I just get so tired of it that I want to go to bed just to have a chance at having to check the temperature of the pools water tomorrow in hopes that it will be warm(hypomania) so that I can swim all day.

By blogging this senario I just got hit in the head with a 2 by 4 and positive self talk just said quit using your toe! Just jump in and swim everyday. Everyone else in in the pool(functioning, working, living) Jump In and Swim!

Wow What a Feeling!

For over a week now I have been taking VEMMA (pronounced veema) a liquid 2oz product. VEMMA comes from Vitamins, Essential Minerals, Mangosteen, Aloe vera. I tried the product out for 2 days and felt such a difference that I became an independant rep so I could also sell it. This is not a sales pitch. I have trully felt like my old self again and don't have the anxiety or depression like I have experience over the last 3 years. Yes I know that it has only been 9 days but I am willing to do just about anything to be able to feel like this and it is really quite reasonable for a 30 day supply. It has 43 xanthones in it and isn't gonna cure anything. But it will make you healthier, feel better and make you happier. I have shared it will several of my friends locally and received great responses back from everyone. Try it for 30 days. You don't have anything to loose and everything to gain.

http://www.myvemma.com/joefreeman

Please tell me what you think.

5.5 I felt pretty good yesterday and even played tennis w/Zack @ 5 am. This morning I did crunches, jumping jacks and high stepped all around the house for 30 min. I cannot just exist anymore because I have too many people counting on me. This has definitely taken its toll on my sweet wife and positive changes have to be made. Luckily I am still ranked as the #1 rookie with my company which means job stability and that means allot to my wife.
Chao for now.

Yesterday was horrible. I was uncooperative, mean and very distant. I am married to a great woman. I surely don't deserve her. I cannot cut this life short nor can I cut the marriage. I do not know how she puts up with me and my downs...

Hypo-Mania

5-6 Over the last few days I have been trying to figure out when the last time that I experienced an hypo-mania. I know that 5 wks ago was my last bout with depression. I have been praying hard for it to be removed or lessened & I did receive a blessing from my bishop. I cannot forget the many family members that also fasted for me @ the beginning of April as well. It is probably a combination of both.
This then is a THANK YOU to all those who have kept my family and I in your prayers.
The problem with mania is that what goes UP must come DOWN & although I love the ups I truly want to rid myself of the downs. One cannot exist without the other so I regretfully but willingly want to do everything in my power to remove the ups. I regretfully haven't been very strict on my diet & non existent with my exercise except for weekly tennis lessons with Zack & Zoey.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU ! Chao for now!

The Purpose of Life

4-6 What is the purpose of life? My wife's Aunt Vickie passed away on Tues. April 15th. KJ got a call right after her workout on Monday and her liver and other organs had failed and she was filling with fluids. What a fighter. She fought a great fight and and almost had it beat. I fortunately got to spend some great time with and I will never forget what an incredible woman, mother and aunt she was. She opened up her house for our wedding reception/open house over 15 years ago. My kids loved her to death and I will always remember the card games and scrabble that we played on holidays.

Aunt Vickie did tell my wife something while fighting the MDS that attacked her blood/immune system. "You never know when your last day is so live everyday like your last and appreciate it."

Over 60 days in the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. Feisty, no one ever got one over on her and she always had the last word. I am so grateful that you could be a part of my wife, kids and my life. We will always remember and love you.

This life is but a test. It may seem unfair, too difficult or just plain not worth it, but it is. What we do here matters. Our relationships and how we treat others are so important that we were given the opportunity to prove to our Heavenly Father that we could choose between good and evil and follow the example of our Savior Jesus Christ. Nothing else really matters. The rest just fills in the holes and cracks along the way. So spend your time accordingly.

I Love You! Nothing is too hard to overcome and I say this often "This too will pass".

Chao for now!

The UPS and downs....

5-6 this week I have felt great. I didn't sleep on tuesday night and then crashed about 6pm on wednesday. I'm glad my mania is just hypo-mania and not a 3-4 day no sleep, take me to the hospital, heart beating, mind racing mania. No meds since early december and although my excercise and diet could be much improved. I am trying to keep regular sleep patterns, no caffine, no processed food, no sugars and taking my multivitamin, omega 3, vitamin C and garlic pills.



The bad part of it was that for 15 days I walked around like a zombie. Taking a nap during lunch and feeling like I could sleep forever. I felt that talking was a chore and to make sales was just too much. Although I did get out and talk to people I didn't sell a thing.



KJ then had all my family pray and fast for me on fast sunday(the 1st sunday of the month) and things have surely changed. Thanks family!!!!! Luckily I still have my job & I am #2 & #3 on the rookie reports in the entire company. That's job security. As long as I sell a ton on the days and weeks that I feel good & fight during the times that I don't then I know the Lord will bless me.


Chao for now!

5 ok... my last post was very pitiful. There are tons of people with harder trials than I. Suck it up J. and just do it. Compared to eternity this life is just a short time and I can endure it. Christ took upon him all, not just some but all the sorrows, pain and sickness of the world so I can get through this challenge and be quite successful.

3-6 Big range I know but the ups and downs are what I do. This evening I started to think and then ball my eyes out because I will get to live as a BIPOLETIC for another 62 years and all I want is to be steady. All I want to give my wife and 4 kids is steadiness and security. I AM NOW YELLING THIS AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. I WANT TO BE WELL. I WANT TO BE WELL. I WANT TO BE WELL. I guess when we pass from this life that those pesky mental illness challenges will be long gone.

Another witness of Nutrition

5-6 Writting is so very difficult for me. As a natural born salesman I love to talk but make me write something and you might as well pull my wisdom teeth. Below is another witness of nutrition and a mental health cure/relief. Please tell me what you think! Choa for now!!!

Source: The Guardian Date: 04 May 2004
The eating cure Forget drugs - diet is the way forward in treating mental illness, says Lucy Mayhew
Of all the unsolved mysteries of the human body, it is the brain that most rigidly resists our efforts at understanding it; and that lack of understanding is costing us increasingly dear. Mental illness is reaching epidemic levels. The World Health Organisation claims that mental health problems "are fast becoming the number-one health issue of the 21st century". Clinical depression is the biggest international health threat after heart disease. At the same time, there is a growing dissatisfaction with the drug treatments available. In the UK, the number of prescriptions for antidepressants has more than doubled in 10 years, with 80% of GPs admitting they overprescribe drugs such as Prozac and Seroxat because of the lack of alternative forms of treatment. But though they might not be available on the NHS just yet, alternatives are starting to emerge - and with some promising results.
Later this month Dr David Servan-Schreiber, a clinical professor of psychiatry and founding member of Medecins Sans Frontières in the US, will visit Britain to launch his book, Healing Without Freud or Prozac, which has already received an enthusiastic response in Belgium, Switzerland and Canada, where it has sold half a million copies. After a career in conventional medicine, Servan-Schreiber's theory is that exercise can be as effective in treating depression and stress as antidepressants. "It is not that I am against antidepressants," he says. "But there are some natural methods of treatment that have been demonstrated to work for milder forms of depression. It doesn't make any sense to ignore them any longer."
In this country, meanwhile, there is a growing interest in an orthomolecular, or nutritional approach to mental health problems. Food as medicine is not a revelatory proposition - it was the hobbyhorse of Hippocrates, the father of western medicine.
But there is a lot more to the science of nutritional therapy than adding the odd grilled fish and dollop of spinach to your shopping list. Differences from those affected by manic depression, schizophrenia, autism or attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are only achieved by giving patients large amounts of precise nutrients to alter their brain biochemistry.
All psychiatric drugs work to rebalance out-of-kilter brain chemistry. But the success rates achieved by providing the brain with the same molecules it uses to build brain cells and neurotransmitters are eye-opening - hence the well-publicised success of the essential fatty acid omega 3.
Twenty per cent of the brain is made up of essential fats. These fats are missing from the modern diet, and the body can't manufacture them itself. Each of our 100 billion brain cells links up to 20,000 others, and when essential fats are in short supply, the link-ups become difficult. The potential consequences are manifold: our mood, concentration, memory and intelligence can all suffer. So it is unsurprising that essential fats have been proven to help with numerous brain-based afflictions.
While 40% of patients who walk into doctor's surgeries are suffering from a mental health problem, an astonishing two-thirds of GPs have had no mental health training. As a result, most GPs do not even consider their patients' nutritional status. Professor André Tylee is chairman of the National Institute for Mental Health and is responsible for educating all British GPs in the treatment of mental health. He is passionate about the benefits of nutritional therapy and describes it as "the breakthrough we've been waiting for". He is hoping to ensure that nutritional approaches will become the first step that doctors use to defeat mental illness.
Tylee is working with Patrick Holford, founder of the Institute of Optimum Nutrition and author of the bestseller Optimum Nutrition for the Mind. Holford's latest enterprise is The Brain Bio Centre, which is dedicated to helping patients recover from all forms of brain-centred illness, from depression to Alzheimer's, using nutritional therapy. Tylee is anxious to introduce the clinic's approaches to the NHS and to conduct a clinical study that confirms their anecdotal success rate of 80%. The clinic defines success as freedom from symptoms, the ability to socialise with friends and family, and the paying of income tax.
According to Holford, a nutritionist and psychologist, nine out 10 people eat less than the recommended daily amounts of our 39 essential nutrients. "They're not called essential for nothing," he says. When this is combined with other factors such as high homocysteine levels, which leave one twice as likely to succumb to depression, blood-sugar and neurotransmitter imbalances, it is hardly startling that people's brain chemistry goes awry.
James Maclean, 21, is a typical Brain Bio Centre success story. James developed manic depression in his second year at university. He was given antipsychotics and antidepressants and received guidance from an NHS psychiatric nurse who "normally just spoke about his own family".
"I had to leave university," says James. "I hated taking so much medication - it made me put on five stone." When he started to believe that the radio was speaking to him, he knew he needed further help. "Within a space of 10 days I was sectioned, then released, then detained again three times." He was eventually hospitalised for two months. He calls the mental hospital the most soulless place on earth.
On his release, his sister-in-law suggested he see a nutritionist. After an internet search which yielded only a quack who wanted $10,000 for the first consultation, James eventually tracked down the Brain Bio Centre. After tests he was found to be very low in minerals and to be yeast- and gluten-intolerant; he was also suffering from blood-sugar problems. He changed his diet and took a comprehensive range of supplements, including high doses of niacin and essential fats. "The difference was startling," he says. "I feel sharper than before and I'm now supermotivated. I have lost three stone in the last two months and I feel whole again." James has reapplied to read sports science at university and hopes to play rugby professionally.
Holford may be regarded as being outside the mainstream, but increasingly his approach is being fostered in conventional medicine. Many respected scientists and physicians are reporting unprecedented success with the orthomolecular approach, so named by the American chemist Linus Pauling, who died in 1994. In the UK, Malcolm Peet, an NHS psychiatric consultant, recently led separate studies with schizophrenics and depressives who were failing to respond to drugs. Both studies concluded that the essential fat, EPA, is effective. Earlier this year, Dr Basant Puri, a consultant psychiatrist at Imperial College School of Medicine, published an entire book dedicated to explaining why EPA is so good at treating depression.
In the US, Dr Mary Megson, a fellow of the American Academy of Paediatrics, has treated over 2,000 children for autism and uses under a teaspoon of cod liver oil every day. The majority of subjects come out of the autistic spectrum within six months - some within weeks, she says. She has seen children making eye contact for the first time in their lives after just three days of treatment.
Similarly, Dr Alex Richardson, a senior research fellow at Oxford University, recently published a study showing remarkable turnarounds in concentration, attention and disruptive behaviour after combining the fish oil EPA with omega 6 to treat dyslexics and ADHD sufferers.
"We're not talking about easily labelled disease entities," says Richardson. "We are simply saying there is a frightening epidemic of children falling into categories where extra help and special education is needed. One in four children are now affected by underlying problems that stop them achieving their potential." Richardson, director of a new charity, Food and Behaviour Research, is anxious to emphasise that a single nutrient cannot work in isolation. "You can't carry a single nutritional supplement around as a talisman for superhealth, because usually specific vitamins, minerals or enzymes are necessary to ensure the key nutrient is absorbed."

http://www.moodfoods.com/foodmood/index.html

5-6 Things have been very crazy around our family running everyday to the Mayo Clinic in Phx. KJ had to call all her family and let them know that Aunt V. might not make it past today. Pretty scary stuff. At 12:30 we met with the doctors and they said that things were stable and cautiously optimistic about a recovery. Nothing had permanent damage and if the bone marrow transplant does take we will know in 3-7 days... choa for now

6< "The Brain Chemistry Diet" (Putnam Books, 2002) by Michael Lesser, M.D. I have to read it and then I will post a review. I ran across this in my seaching and the individual said that it helped him tremendously to be able to eat foods that would help get him out of depression or not stimulate his mania. I am willing to try just about anything

Yesterday, I went out and bought a men's active multivitamin, ester C, omega-3 and garlic pills. I have probably gone 1+ years w/o the multivatamin, C and garlic. Adding the omega-3 to that list are all supposed to help with my nuerotransmitters. Here's to crossing fingers!

My 14 yr old son and I took a($8.50/load and none thought it could be done) load of junk to the dump yesterday. It was so good to have some one on one time with him and really talk. I don't think I will ever forget those 2-3 hours we spent together just talking and working. My little Mazda pickup was stacked 4 feet high above the hood with the remains of a gazebo, ugly existing desk furniture that was nailed to the wall in my daughters room, horrible green faded verticle blinds, bad river rocks, rotten lemons and oranges that had fallen from the neighbors trees aswell as about 15 latices that where screwed into the block wall of our fence and a southwest design privacy door/screen(it was removed b4 we bought the house). All these things and more were between the RV gate and our backyard gate with all our trash recepticles and bikes. ect. intentionally placed there so as not to be seen by anyone.

Out of sight, out of mind, right? Probably not, KJ had been gone all morning (taking her mother Nan(my mother-inlaw to the hospital for more tests for the bone marrow transplant for Aunt V) so she didn't believe us when we told here that it was all cleaned up and had to go see it for herself. LOL doubting Thomas. Cleanliness is next to Godliness ya know! Have to go now cuz it is 5:50 am and wake everyone up for family scriptures. Choa for now!

Bipolar Nutrition and Diet

5 <-- If you notice I haven't written lately. I had an episode and tried to hide it from my wife. Mental illness caries a huge stigmatizim because people are looked down upon as weak or lesser than. All this thinking came from working this week w/my trainer who has diabetes. Today we do not look at diabetes as something horrible and maybe we might catch it if we are next to someone with it. Because of modern medicine when my trainer wasn't feeling well he grabbed his test kit and found out that his blood sugar was too high. He got some rest made sure he didn't eat any carbs and he was great the next day.

So yesterday I had an apointment w/my counselor (due to the prior episode) and when I asked what should the diet of a bipoletic(made up word?) eat she knew only that a diet low in bad carbs was best. She also said that the omega-3 fatty acids were good to take. We talked about the similarities between Diabetes and Bipolar Disorder and that because mental illness science is soo new comparitavely that hopefully that my posterity can just take a home test each day and regulate their own levels of neurotransmitters. I guess you could say that I am a Pioneer in mentall illness and hopefully the next generations will be able to regulate this awful family crushing illness. Search google for Bipolar Diet and the 1st article that came up is now on the LINKS portion of this blog.

My grandfather Wayne Lemmon died from diabetes in 1959 when my mother was but 12 years old. It was induced from WWII injuries that he sustained as a gunner on top of many tanks. He returned 6' and 89 lbs and was in and out of the VA hospital so many times that it would make your head spin. He was a Pioneer for diabetes and I cannot wait to meet him in heaven along with my grandmother, his wife, who suffered severely from bipolar disorder. Between the years of 1959 and 1972 she was sooo messed up that all her kids didn't want anything to do with her and her dilusions/visions caused most to push away from her. Thank goodness for a wonderful angel by the name of Ernie Mocco who was a great stabalizer in her life and a huge SAINT in the lives of my aunt, uncle and mother because of the relief of such huge episodes and calming effect he had on her. I have a greater love and appreciation for her because of my own discoveries with bipolar disorder over the last year and a half. I miss her soooooo much and wish that we could talk about all of it. She was never diagnossed.

Child 4

6<-- When I woke up @ 1.45am to check on the boys Child 4 was wide awake and very talkative. His temperature was high, so I gave him some medicine. I rubbed his back for quite some time but found it difficult not to chat with him so not to stimulate him any more. (I just checked on him again and the temperature is down and still fast asleep). What a character he is. Last night KJ and Child 3 took Child 1 to a bishops youth council and he became scared and was crying, thinking that nobody big was there to watch him all the while Child 2, his older brother, was sitting on the couch under the same blanket. I walked in and quickly assured him that he was being watched over, that we would never leave him alone and that his older brother Child 2 was old enough to take care of him.
Good, Better, Best by Oaks is such a great talk and I am currently listening to it. I believe that my organization troubles need to be based 1st on this and the other things will fall into placed. My family is more important than all other distractions. Yes, I do have to support financially my family which I have done a horrible job of lately. Due to struggles with depression my family has suffered much hardship over the last four months but there is a light now at the end of the tunnel that I have been in and things are slowly turning around. Chao for now!

Jesus Christ

6<-- I had a great day today. I taught the lesson in Gospel Essentials class and will some great help and direction from the Spirit, experienced a classroom full of teary eyes all sharing something personally about Jesus Christ. What an experience words cannot describe it so I won't even try.
The opportunity to repent and be forgiven for our sins and then work hard to be better is the most miraculous gift ever given and I thank my Lord and Savior for such an infinite gift. No amount of money can pay for sins just the infinite sacrifice that He did so very long ago. Depression cannot have a hold on me and I cannot let it as the opposition is working so hard to destroy the families. Say a prayer and thank your Heavenly Father for this tests of all tests we call "Life" and that we can win if we can lean on each other and Him, of course. Chao for now.

6<-- How does an unorganized person become organized? I went inline skating this morning and it felt great. I tried jumping rope for 8 min. but only lasted 3 LOL. My mind is going faster and bouncing around. A difficult task but necessary to pick something and complete it till it is done. Chao for now!

All Good!!!

5-6 so far. No meds and I haven't felt better. Staying away from carbs is really tough for me. Work has been great both selling maintenance chemicals and delivering pizzas. Yes doing pizzas again. We did a crazy thing and shut off cable tv, so no tv in the F's house. It is kind of an experiment to see how much the family can accomplish and if we will really miss it. My bet is that things will run smoother, more will be accomplished and we will barely miss it. Maybe wishful thinking but it never hurts to try and see. Chao for now!

Nice and Steady

5-6 all week. All is good between 5 & 6, I met w/my therapist and after 4 sessions just gonna set a 6 wk apt to follow up & see how things have been going.

1 Week Of Training

After 45 days of being unemployed due to a depression episode w/ a company that I only work for 1 month I am working for a new company as an outside sales person.

Yes probably the worst job for someone prone to depression but it is great when I am HIGH (hypomania). I trained starting Monday the 7th of Jan with a trainer from Virginia. He is retiring @ 70 yrs old after working for the company for just 29 yrs. I also start back @ D's. I did the training this week also and tomorrow night start a store in our area. Remember when I was stabbed working for D's? Definitely a different city and area....LOL.

KJ is freaking cuz we are behind and survival mode is just about broken her. tears- She still loves me for some strange reason, still after 15 years! I keep on telling myself "You cannot park, if it gets bad.... like a 2-3 ..

ALL WEEK A GOOD STRONG 5.. NORMAL AND ENERGETIC @ TIMES.

I want you to watch this short talk and give me you opinion on the side bar-->

http://byubwmv.byu.edu/edweek/2005/CWrigley05.wmv

Chao for now!

Child 3

4&5's, I had the privilege of spending 30 min just walking and talking with Child 3. What an experience that will be with me forever. She is such a gift I cannot believe that my Heavenly Father placed her in our home. We talked about her best friends and how they treated her. She also was so excited to be further out of our neighborhood than she had ever been. The way she would look up at me with that gorgeous smile and trusting eyes just touched my heart and just gave me one more reason to dig in and be the best for her. Chao for now.

4's for the 31st and 1st.. I was busy on the 31st and on New Years Eve not so much... I did get to spend a little while driving around w/KJ and that coupled along with playing Toss Up, a dice game, with the entire family was the highlight of the day.

Organization is an area in which I have much room for growth. Planning every night before so that bouncing(allowing mania to rule) and drowning(allowing depression to rule) are not options. Life is too short to spend sitting in a vehicle parked somewhere with a virtual blanket on me keeping me down. This is my past not my future...Chao for now!

Gonna BBQ hamburgers for lunch or dinner today. One of Child 3's favorites. Last day b4 kids start back to school. What a blessing they are in my life.