4-6 My wonderful wife agreed a couple of years ago to be my gauge. In other words, she being the closest person to me and very aware of everything around her like a temperature gauge, she would tell me when she sees signs of me going to hypomania or depression so that I could get an early jump on things and try to change the course of my individual boat. Since my diagnosis of depression then the bipolar diagnosis I have been tooooooo dad gum sensitive about my own feelings. It is like I put my big toe in the water of the pool before making any decisions on how I am going to live my life that day. If the water is cold then I coil up and say "Oooooooooooooooh Nooooooooooooooo that water is too cold to swim in (function in real life) and then I start doing all this stupid negative self talk.
Positive self talk is great for pulling one self out the muck but the negative stuff just about knocks me out for the whole day. The negative self talk steps into the ring and the positive self talk steps into the ring. Both fighters come to the center knock gloves and there is the bell. Negative plays dirty and hits below the belt, positive goes down but then he gets right back up before he gets to 4. The fight sometimes goes on all day and I just get so tired of it that I want to go to bed just to have a chance at having to check the temperature of the pools water tomorrow in hopes that it will be warm(hypomania) so that I can swim all day.
By blogging this senario I just got hit in the head with a 2 by 4 and positive self talk just said quit using your toe! Just jump in and swim everyday. Everyone else in in the pool(functioning, working, living) Jump In and Swim!
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2 comments:
You show quite a talent for writing! Coming from a family of (overly)sensitive people(at times) myself included- I related to the toe dipping negative talk. Some days I think I must want to feel bad cause I just keep listening to the negative coaxing even moe out of it. You have inspired me today to just jump in and function and even enjoy it!
hey I too am a bipolar blessed with a beautiful and extremely intelligent & compassionate wife who helps steer this ship in the oceans of my mood disorder. You encourage me man and hopefully I can encourage you. I am bipolarcanuck.blogspot.com. Be well
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