1-2 The last 3 days have been some bad days. I got all glassy-eyed and my wife knew that she was loosing me. I didn't take my kids to church. I basically shut down. Thank goodness that I don't have the suicidal tendencies. I truly have been blessed not to have that along side my depressive times.
Life is so very precious that we all need to be our best, work our hardest and love our loved ones because you never know when it will be your last.
I literally just crawl up inside myself and just become an observer. I slept, felt worthless and also felt that everyone would be better without me. One change this last time different than last December is that I would keep on saying to myself, "this will pass and then I can be back to myself again" "hurry up and pass". This knowledge that it wasn't a forever thing and that I knew that I wouldn't feel like this forever gave me some true hope.
I worried my wife and kids to death though. I know it isn't fair to cause them all this pain and worry about me. I still need to find a good d.o. and p.doc that will run the nutrition test and work with me trying to silence this challenge on a natural basis. I do not like the side effects from drugs and I think that sometimes the side effects are worse than what they are trying to cure.
Vemma has still been the best thing that I have found. It has made my highs and lows much more manageable. Chao for now!
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5 comments:
We are so glad that you share your ups and your downs with us. You guys are such an example of honesty, so rare in the mental illness world! Love you all!
We definitely want you for around. Cami is also vocalizing her agreement! I love that line- "this too will pass"! I find it useful when I remember to tell myself that.
I second Crystal's comment about how valuable and appreciated your candidness is.
I hope you're feeling better soon. We love you.
Dear Joe,
Do you think there's a seasonal element to all this? Just a thought. It sure makes a difference for me, and I've developed a list of ways to stave off a SAD (seasonal affective order) depression. Let me know if you want me to share it with you. Hope you feel better soon!
Susan
hey man I am praying for you. Just speaking out about our low oints is a big part of the battle J and I too am looking for a good p.doc. Keep saying to yourself "I'm in the valley, but the view is great from here" and I'm sure you'll be scaling the mountains again soon.
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