Too Sensitive!!!!! Just Jump In and Swim!

4-6 My wonderful wife agreed a couple of years ago to be my gauge. In other words, she being the closest person to me and very aware of everything around her like a temperature gauge, she would tell me when she sees signs of me going to hypomania or depression so that I could get an early jump on things and try to change the course of my individual boat. Since my diagnosis of depression then the bipolar diagnosis I have been tooooooo dad gum sensitive about my own feelings. It is like I put my big toe in the water of the pool before making any decisions on how I am going to live my life that day. If the water is cold then I coil up and say "Oooooooooooooooh Nooooooooooooooo that water is too cold to swim in (function in real life) and then I start doing all this stupid negative self talk.

Positive self talk is great for pulling one self out the muck but the negative stuff just about knocks me out for the whole day. The negative self talk steps into the ring and the positive self talk steps into the ring. Both fighters come to the center knock gloves and there is the bell. Negative plays dirty and hits below the belt, positive goes down but then he gets right back up before he gets to 4. The fight sometimes goes on all day and I just get so tired of it that I want to go to bed just to have a chance at having to check the temperature of the pools water tomorrow in hopes that it will be warm(hypomania) so that I can swim all day.

By blogging this senario I just got hit in the head with a 2 by 4 and positive self talk just said quit using your toe! Just jump in and swim everyday. Everyone else in in the pool(functioning, working, living) Jump In and Swim!

Wow What a Feeling!

For over a week now I have been taking VEMMA (pronounced veema) a liquid 2oz product. VEMMA comes from Vitamins, Essential Minerals, Mangosteen, Aloe vera. I tried the product out for 2 days and felt such a difference that I became an independant rep so I could also sell it. This is not a sales pitch. I have trully felt like my old self again and don't have the anxiety or depression like I have experience over the last 3 years. Yes I know that it has only been 9 days but I am willing to do just about anything to be able to feel like this and it is really quite reasonable for a 30 day supply. It has 43 xanthones in it and isn't gonna cure anything. But it will make you healthier, feel better and make you happier. I have shared it will several of my friends locally and received great responses back from everyone. Try it for 30 days. You don't have anything to loose and everything to gain.

http://www.myvemma.com/joefreeman

Please tell me what you think.

5.5 I felt pretty good yesterday and even played tennis w/Zack @ 5 am. This morning I did crunches, jumping jacks and high stepped all around the house for 30 min. I cannot just exist anymore because I have too many people counting on me. This has definitely taken its toll on my sweet wife and positive changes have to be made. Luckily I am still ranked as the #1 rookie with my company which means job stability and that means allot to my wife.
Chao for now.

Yesterday was horrible. I was uncooperative, mean and very distant. I am married to a great woman. I surely don't deserve her. I cannot cut this life short nor can I cut the marriage. I do not know how she puts up with me and my downs...

Hypo-Mania

5-6 Over the last few days I have been trying to figure out when the last time that I experienced an hypo-mania. I know that 5 wks ago was my last bout with depression. I have been praying hard for it to be removed or lessened & I did receive a blessing from my bishop. I cannot forget the many family members that also fasted for me @ the beginning of April as well. It is probably a combination of both.
This then is a THANK YOU to all those who have kept my family and I in your prayers.
The problem with mania is that what goes UP must come DOWN & although I love the ups I truly want to rid myself of the downs. One cannot exist without the other so I regretfully but willingly want to do everything in my power to remove the ups. I regretfully haven't been very strict on my diet & non existent with my exercise except for weekly tennis lessons with Zack & Zoey.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU ! Chao for now!

The Purpose of Life

4-6 What is the purpose of life? My wife's Aunt Vickie passed away on Tues. April 15th. KJ got a call right after her workout on Monday and her liver and other organs had failed and she was filling with fluids. What a fighter. She fought a great fight and and almost had it beat. I fortunately got to spend some great time with and I will never forget what an incredible woman, mother and aunt she was. She opened up her house for our wedding reception/open house over 15 years ago. My kids loved her to death and I will always remember the card games and scrabble that we played on holidays.

Aunt Vickie did tell my wife something while fighting the MDS that attacked her blood/immune system. "You never know when your last day is so live everyday like your last and appreciate it."

Over 60 days in the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. Feisty, no one ever got one over on her and she always had the last word. I am so grateful that you could be a part of my wife, kids and my life. We will always remember and love you.

This life is but a test. It may seem unfair, too difficult or just plain not worth it, but it is. What we do here matters. Our relationships and how we treat others are so important that we were given the opportunity to prove to our Heavenly Father that we could choose between good and evil and follow the example of our Savior Jesus Christ. Nothing else really matters. The rest just fills in the holes and cracks along the way. So spend your time accordingly.

I Love You! Nothing is too hard to overcome and I say this often "This too will pass".

Chao for now!

The UPS and downs....

5-6 this week I have felt great. I didn't sleep on tuesday night and then crashed about 6pm on wednesday. I'm glad my mania is just hypo-mania and not a 3-4 day no sleep, take me to the hospital, heart beating, mind racing mania. No meds since early december and although my excercise and diet could be much improved. I am trying to keep regular sleep patterns, no caffine, no processed food, no sugars and taking my multivitamin, omega 3, vitamin C and garlic pills.



The bad part of it was that for 15 days I walked around like a zombie. Taking a nap during lunch and feeling like I could sleep forever. I felt that talking was a chore and to make sales was just too much. Although I did get out and talk to people I didn't sell a thing.



KJ then had all my family pray and fast for me on fast sunday(the 1st sunday of the month) and things have surely changed. Thanks family!!!!! Luckily I still have my job & I am #2 & #3 on the rookie reports in the entire company. That's job security. As long as I sell a ton on the days and weeks that I feel good & fight during the times that I don't then I know the Lord will bless me.


Chao for now!